Memories

I've moved to Toronto now. Taken the big leap. It's a scary thing; moving out, moving on, moving in with others. 

Home is far away now, but it is in my thoughts. So strange to miss a place so much that was only ours for less than a year. I miss the prairie skies, lighting up at night in dreamy pink gradients. I miss talking with my dad about the planes overhead, and the lives of the people walking by. I miss the lights of the city turn on, and being able to see people up in the night for miles and miles.

Home is always home. I'm setting up shop here, planting my roots, but this will always be my heart. Prairie girl. Big Adventures. I haven't forgotten you yet, Peg City. 

2014

It's another new year, a time where everyone decides to start fresh and re-invent.  I'm a sucker for new years resolutions. They often are the same, and I usually "forget" to do them once January has come and gone.

This year, I'm still going to make resolutions, but I'm putting more reason into them, with actual goals that will be more successful if I continue.

So, without any more delay, here are my goals:

1// Eat healthier and home made.

With my hectic school schedule, I have a tendency to snack on processed foods, buy from coffee shops or binge on heavy restaurant meals. This goal is more so a goal of planning because that literally is all that stops me from eating healthier.  I love eating raw, natural and snacking on simple foods, I just forget to prepare, and thus fall into bad habits.  I've also since getting my license, have been cutting down on drinking and I'd like to continue that.
I'm going to try and prepare veggie bags to take to school every day. Always have a protein and work from there.  And hopefully, if I can budget for it, buy a magic bullet and start substituting smoothies into my routine.
Speaking of budgets:

2// Budget my financials and limit spending.

With graduation looming - I have a lot to plan for that will require money.  While I'm not a shopaholic, I do tend to spend money on "little things" often that will add up quickly.  So I've made an excel spreadsheet to track what I'm spending (especially on cash) to hopefully stay in the black each month.
I need to stop spending on snacks/eating out, unnecessary makeup (so hard!) and clothing.

3// Move my body.

I sit still so often with school, staring into a computer screen and moving from chair to couch. I want to be active. As much as I can be. I've found this site that I want to try and do at least 3 times a week. Even just doing Yoga every morning after waking up would help.

4// See and contact people more.

I get lost into the abyss of school and forget to talk to friends.  It's so sad that the people I love most don't know major life events about me until I see them after the 4 months of school. I need to just say "hey how's it going" more often, and pencil people in for little lunch dates (BYO-Lunch!!). It's not that I don't have time for people, it's that I fail to keep in contact.

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Hopefully I can follow through with these goals.  They are hefty, and the "pressure" makes them daunting, but they are goals for a better me.  With a potential move on the way, I need to be ready and prepared, and these goals will help me and make that transition even easier.

Housesitting

I've been housesitting for a family that's dear to my heart while they're away. It's become a yearly tradition and is always an exciting part of summer. Pretending to be a grownup, listening to old records, cooking just for myself, living alone. Plus the company of three very loving kitties is a plus.

                                    

My Moment with a Moon

I've been trying to write more. To be inspired more. To notice all and everything around me and not let it go to waste. I've found a collection of blogs I am loving, that continue to inspire me to appreciate the world around me in every ounce of awesome it contains.

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The other day I woke up from a dream that struck a new chord within me. I tried to write it down:

The moment continues to captivate my mind. Stealing and imprisoning the tedious thoughts of today, taking me to a flash of pure freedom. It’s as though these mere seconds of memory are decades of life intertwined in a saturated image of confusion. The purpose is unknown. Why or when are superfluous. What matters is that feeling of pure awe, the white knuckled brilliance of something so personal yet aching to be shared. We drive in the night. Each of us a stranger to the next however seemingly familiar. We are strapped into a vehicle constructed by ingenious and careful hands, open aired to the velvet black sky. The car as smooth and undulating as the landscape we travel, gliding across steeply rising and falling hills, the motor sputtering deep and deafening growls. As we approach the cityscape, it appears. A pure, shockingly brilliant moon reveals itself against the sky. So large that every detail of its ancient cratered existence is exposed. Suddenly this roaring car is silent. No longer are you sure if the feeling in your stomach is from the descent of your course, or the breathtaking beauty of this sight. At the height of the next peak you really see it. So heavy that it cannot muster itself above the horizon. So bright that all other light is unnecessary, the milky glow blanketing, calming every object that faces it in admiration. The car stops. The silence is now replaced by the hollers and cries of joy from your companions. And as though someone flicks a switch, the night is once again dark, silent. Soon it is all gone, seemingly a memory. Thoughts of possible understanding circle in your mind as you climb back into reality, yet every rung you take hold of is less an explanation but a wash of confusion as context slips away. Never will the story have a purpose. It is not worthy of a cryptic analysis. It is a pure moment, a feeling of wonder that may have been forgotten in recent times. The beauty of the subconscious.

I've been working downtown this summer, and it's been so inspiring. This is where I'm meant to be - between big buildings, amongst historic stone, catching myself in the shadows of trees in little parks. It reminds me of my goals, how I want to go somewhere even larger. When that will be, only time will tell. But I definitely feel the itch.

Lists

People tell me to write more. I tell myself to write more. In fact - almost every list I ever make of "things to do" or "summer plans" includes writing.

I make a lot of lists.

It's like an addiction. With each list I make; whether on a post-it note, on my white board or typed out, edited and cleanly printed - I usually check off one or two things before I make a new one. It's like crack - with every list is a new beginning  A new day for me to say "this is the day I'm going to start being awesome" (don't worry i'm always awesome). I have an addiction in saying I'll do something before I do it. And maybe this post is like the cherry on top, perhaps it's the say-all-end-all and maybe it'll be the day I do those things I always write down. I've already written this, which is a big check for me. And, I'll let you in on a secret, I'm writing another piece to try and get published as well. So if putting that on the internet isn't enough pressure, I don't know what else I can do.

But it's not really about pressure is it? It's about frame of mind.

It has been an interesting couple of years. I've gone through a lot and had many ups and downs especially in figuring myself out, and what I want out of life. I'm nowhere close to knowing, but I've had a better mindset on it all. At the beginning of this blog I wrote about being "grown up" and feeling different, and I think I'm still progressing in that feeling. I'm learning how to be comfortable doing things alone, being strong for myself and accepting that not everyone is going to be there. I've learned how to be kinder to others, and let people in. And now I'm learning how to have faith in myself and my abilities. I'm learning that it's ok to not check off everything on these lists as long as I don't lose sight of my goals. These things will always be in my mind, in my heart, and I will get to them when I do.

So maybe today is the last day I write lists, and instead begin writing down accomplishments.

I've been watching a lot of high school movies these days. That feeling of looming graduation, boys, summer and dressing top-notch are all things swimming in my mind. Of the movies i've watched (Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Jennifer's Body, The Perks of Being a Wallflower) Molly Ringwald has stuck out in my mind.  So cute and rocking fashions I wish I could pull off - she's inspired me to stay sassy and still go for the gold. 

A few years ago, I found out that she filmed For Keeps? in Winnipeg, at my old next door neighbours house. My dad told me that fan girls broke our backyard fence just trying to get a look at her. Is it weird to feel like that is more than it is? Who knows. But right now, I really want to rock a frock and go to a homecoming dance.