Thursday, July 5, 2012

Growing Up, Or Something Like It.

This past year has taught me a lot about myself.  It's been really difficult, really crazy, and really really amazing.

Growing up has always been this imaginary world that I've daydreamed about, as everyone does. It never felt like it was going to happen, like a recurring dream that was always changing. Fantasies of far off cities, of adventures, boyfriends, of rags and riches. Something I could read in a book or watch in a movie.

I always have felt that I will never be an "adult" until I made a major change in my life. But it's suddenly hit me that that's not true.  I look around at my friends, at my peers, and I can see that we're all growing up. All in our own ways. I was meeting with a good friend recently, one whom I hadn't seen in ages and he said to me, "You know, after being away from everyone for a while, I've really seen that we have started to look our age. Like adults." That's something so foreign to me.

I've always been the younger one. Younger sister, youngest friend. It's just happened that way. Yet I've never felt it. I felt like I was their peer but I never looked the part. You know in high school, when you're a freshman and you look at all the seniors and you think "Wow, I'll never be that cool or look that old". That's how I feel most of the time. But recently I've realized that i'm there too. These people, my friends, we're all in the same boat. We're on this crazy voyage together. I see myself standing next to them now, not behind. And I don't know if that's exhilarating or totally terrifying but I'm going with it.

I'm certainly not an adult financially, I not done university, I live at home and I'm a total slob, but something in me sees that things are changing. I don't know what it means, but I get it. I get that I'm growing up. I get that I don't need an answer right now.  I don't need to keep putting in my head that once I make some major change, I'll be an adult. No, I'm here right now. I have so many opportunities, so many amazing friends, so many awesome memories and chances to make more.

It sounds cliché, and you may be rolling your eyes, but this is fucking crazy to me. I'm growing up, and every step I make is my own choice, and will lead me to my own future. And at this point, anything and everything can happen, so I might as well stop FREAKING OUT so much and just keep going.

Life is too exciting to wait for it to happen.

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